Compliments are great when shared and expressed. But what about the backhanded compliment?
The ones that build you up and tear you down all at the same time.
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Well, I caught myself dong just that to my daughter right before she headed off to bed.
Now I really didn’t think much about it at the time. I was simply saying how she was so cut and little, and boy do I feel tall.
Her immediate response was, “Wow, Mom! Way to go with the backhanded compliment.”
Yes she had a long day. So she could have been extra sensitive. But really the one who needed to be more sensitive was ME!!!
Here I really didn’t mean anything by it. Yet, she took it all the wrong way.
What a terrible thing to do to your child, or anyone! Give them a compliment and then turn around and slap them. (figuratively speaking)
Why is it that we do this? It’s like we are giving them a stroke of how great they are, and the disciplining or pointing out a shortcoming.
All you’re doing is tell your child, you’re not good enough!
Sit with this for a minute. —-
Maybe you don’t mean to do this, but it’s become a way you communicate. some of us do it out of ignorance, and others are plain mean-spirited.
Examples:
- Way to ace such an easy test!
- Congrats on the new job! Now you won’t have an excuse to be crabby.
- You look SO cute in that outfit. Ever think of trying that other pair of shoes?
How do you compliment without the slap?
The K.I.S.S. ~ Separate the compliment from the lesson!
- GIVE a compliment with no strings attached or no etc.
- LIVE/LOVE in the compliment.
- TEACH at a later date.
“Compliments are meant to build you up leaving the teaching for another day.”
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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson
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