Oh no! Seriously?!? Ultimatums?

You better believe it.

Now, for the most part, you (and I) don’t really mean it as such. But to the ears of your child, the threat is real. And please know this is not a threat to one’s safety. RIght?

It’s simply trying to push them in the direction that they need to go and work harder.

I’ve done it.

“I better see this!”

When I begin to understand the ramifications of my words, I find myself being baptized in the pool of mom guilt.

How could I?

How could you not?

Most parents lead by what they know, not the “no” of what not to do.

An ultimatum is defined as a final demand or statement of terms, the rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in relations.

No parent in their right mind wants their child to feel ‘less than’ if they don’t do what is required (per the parent’s tone).

But unfortunately, this is the reality of parenting. It’s how our children interpret what we are saying.

So if you want to get off the ultimatum train, you gotta listen to what you say.

The K.I.S.S. ~ Listen to what you say!

It’s easy to make assumptions as to what you are saying. You’ve had a long day, and all the stress at the end of the day is beginning to weigh heavy upon you.

As the situation presents itself, you quickly spout off what your child needs to do in order to get the result you want, or the result he/she wants.

You can be the lion ready to bounce or the sheepish lamb hoping they hear you.

But all this comes from what is heard.

If you want the impact to be more positive, and less focused on “this or the highway”, you have to listen to what you say. It all comes from listening to yourself.

1. PRACTICE your sound-off. What do you sound like? Are you that lion who can’t wait to pounce on what should be happening? Or are you quieter with more reserve that gets overlooked and dismissed? You must know what you sound like. So practice. Get in front of a mirror and look at what you see and hear what you say. You have got to be more comfortable in your own skin, so there is never a hesitation as to how you are perceived by your child. Practice your sound-off.
2. HEAR the words you are specifically using. The words you use makes all the difference in the world. Words have power. Words pack a punch. Words heal and console.
3. REPHRASE with your child’s goal, not yours. You want what’s best for your child. But you also want what’s best for you. In order to meld those together, you have to know what your child wants so you can promote his/her goals, not your agendas.

“I better see this” doesn’t have to be the boulder that takes out your relationship with your child.

Craft your message and conversations with love and kindness. You most certainly can be firm and direct. But you don’t have to be a jerk just to be one.

Guide your child on how they can impact the world they touch.

“Master today to impact tomorrow!” ~ Kristianne Wargo

“Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!“